Monday, March 11, 2013

Marriage After Baby by Melissa

Last Monday, one of my sweet friends and my first sponsor, Melissa, from After We Tied The Knott wrote a post that really hit home about marriage after a baby. I've tried to write a post like this myself, but didn't have any luck, so I asked her if I could share her's with all my readers, many of whom happen to be future mommies or new mommies. She immediately responded and told me to go for it, and I am so thankful. I know you all will appreciate her perspective and sense of humor, I know I did! And, of course, it really is all true. So, without further adieu, here's Melissa's post: 

Marriage After Baby

 Some names changed for privacy ;)

This June, Tyler and I will celebrate 2 years of wedded bliss.

Bliss is a relative term, right?

I kid.

But in all seriousness, marrying Tyler is the best decision I've ever made. I love him more than I love potatoes and gravy. That's big-time, people.

That being said, our marriage has changed a lot in the last year. 

When we got married, our relationship only changed a little:
  • We moved in together.
  • We share a bathroom (I wish I had something positive to say about my initial experience)
  • I do his laundry
  • We pay more for groceries
  • We go on more frequent dates
  • We live in the same town (this is a big one...)
  • I get to smooch him every night before bed
See what I did there? Ended on a positive note...

8 months into our bliss, we discovered we were expecting nugget numero uno.

On that day, our marriage had it's first major change.

Tyler became mooshy and lovey and snuggly and everything you want out of that romance novel you're reading. He's always been chivalrous, but this became more extreme. My favorite change? He began singing. Not to me though. He sang to our baby. 

When Kylie came, we experienced the biggest change of all. He became a daddy. Oh yeah, and I became a mommy. Duh, right?

Well with parenthood, people change. 
  •  Things begin to take a little more effort. We'll leave well enough alone on this one.
  • You become tired - even though KJ sleeps a lot at night, you don't always go to bed when she does so her impromptu feedings in the middle of the night begin with only one person smiling. It's usually not mom or dad. This leads to cranky people. If you didn't know, calling a cranky person cranky does not solve problems. It creates them.
  • You don't lose the other chores you had around the house pre-baby. Laundry still has to get done. Meals still have to be made. The laundry fairy begins to need a little assistance doing the daily tasks that keep the house afloat and the jolly green giant tries to help. This leads to adorable, perfect little pink sleepers turning blue from the clothes all being thrown in together. Once again, calling a cranky person cranky does not solve problems.
  • The laundry fairy still ends up cleaning up after the jolly green giant. This includes putting the living room back together every single morning and cleaning up laundry all over the house. 
  • Cranky people begin to talk crazy talk. For example: the laundry fairy asks the jolly green giant to put nugget numero uno to bed and the jolly green giant replies with "but... you're the mom..." (This was a Mrs. Knott in the ballroom with a candlestickkind of experience here, people.)
  • You develop a partnership. You're not only husband and wife, you're mom and dad. Doubly strong.
  • You learn to work together to accomplish most tasks. He does dishes and tries to help with laundry.
  • The jolly green giant is there for the laundry fairy when she's tired and unreasonable and crying when breastfeeding is hard or she just wants to throw a ten minute pity party.
  • You constantly talk about nugget numero uno and it eliminates any dull moment. You share such joy in the presence of your child that all of the frustration, irrationality, and hostility go right out the window and you simply bask in her presence.
Marriage is hard. Parenting makes marriage harder. I would sugar coat it, but that would leave you ill-prepared OR (if you're already a parent), you'd call me a liar. (Do not confuse this with bad. Marriage is still amazing. You could say it's amazing-er.)

It takes a long time to develop a schedule and an understanding of what needs to be done and how we will accomplish those things together.

Basically what I'm trying to say is this:

 Being a parent is easy... parenting is hard.


Marriage requires work (and the ability to hide the weapon).


  1. Thanks for the shout out, Love!! Happy Monday!

    1. Thanks for letting me share your great advice! :o)

  2. Great post! And child number two causes more change inevitably for everyone in the family. My little boy didn't like having a sister for 2 months of her life. His life changed completely! But now after a few months life is great! Just busier and more tired!

    1. Sara, I can't relate but I can only imagine! Glad life is great for you! :o)

  3. Now I know I am not the only one dealing with it. I thought Matt coming home from deployment, was causing us issues, it's that and being parents. We are totally normal. Lol. Thanks Kelly and Melissa.

    1. Definitely not the only one Meghan! Totally normal. :o)

    2. I am so behind! Sorry for the delay but I wanted to say you are NOT alone! Too often people sugarcoat parenthood. It's not all glitter and rainbows. You guys are TOTALLY normal!

  4. I love this. So open and honest! Garrett and I aren't parents yet so this was very helpful in learning what to expect when we do become parents. Thanks for sharing this!

    1. I love it too Whitney! Glad we could give you a little advice! It's definitely not easy, but totally worth it.

  5. I love this, & yes parenting is the most bittersweet ever!!

  6. Advice to new parents from a 51 yr. old Mom of 3, (ages 25,24,21) married 26 years and still loving it...if you can swing it, go on a "date night" every few weeks or at least once a month. It can be Bud Light & pizza, a gourmet candlelight dinner or a walk in the park. JUST DO IT! 2 hours for just the two of you. And don't talk about the baby, talk about each other! The time away from baby, the dishes and the laundry are the best thing you can do for YOURSELF and your wedded bliss. If you think you have limited time now, just wait until the kids get involved in dance, music, sports, etc. Your "date night" quickly transforms into fast food in the car. Enjoy the ride ladies!!!

    1. Tracy, great advice! I can only hope for a marriage like you and Ron have in 26 years! :o) You guys coming to Cabo with us or what?!?! ;o)

    2. We are still holding out to see how Ron's Dad feels and are hoping to travel with them. (damn cancer!) What hotel did you decide on?

    3. Awe, I'll be thinking about him and praying for the whole family. Such a sweet man. We are staying at the RIU Palace, we stayed at the Santa Fe last time and weren't too impressed, but the Palace is supposed to be better.

    4. THANKS TRACY! I fell behind on reading these, but that's SUCH great advice! I sometimes worry the romance leaves between conversations about poop and spit up. I like the date night advice to keep the spark!

  7. i love love love this post! thanks for sharing kelly! xox

    1. Thanks Denise, I hope it helps you and Matt a little. PS- Your maternity pics are gorge! :o)


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